Friday, 20 March 2015


Moneria is a disease. A widespread disease.

It is global in its spread.
It afflicts just everyone I know. People I have never met and will never meet are not spared. It is such a potent ailment. It is not a small somtin oh, because the young suffers from it, the old have suffered and are still suffering from it sef. Should you care to know, even me, I wallow in it. I am one of its prime candidates. This Moneria has shown me pepper.
You still don’t know this disease? 
Alright oh, let’s go.
I invite you to follow me on this journey, by the time I finish describing Moneria, you’ll see you’ve for long been under its clutches.

When we were younger, we discovered that in the seed of a mango, there is usually an insect. We’ll lick the juicy mango till the seed is as white as anything you can imagine. Then we’ll set to the task of opening it up carefully and trapping the poor unsuspecting insect in a transparent nylon. Trust me, if you are able to successfully do this, you’ll be held in high regard for very few of us was able to achieve that aim. Did I hear you say we were jobless? I don’t blame you, those were some of the ‘trips’ we caught as young ‘uns because of course the onus was on us to find entertainment for ourselves not like the present time when internet, videos games and the sorts are plenty. If you were born in the 80s or perhaps very early 90s, you can relate very well. You see now, I’m digressing too much from my story.
As I was saying jare, even then we always wondered how the insect finds its way inside the mango. Till today, grown as I am, I still can’t unravel this mystery. You see, just like the mango seedling/insect analogy, so does Moneria disease apply to all human race, tribe, gender, religion notwithstanding. We are all born with it.
You’re still with me? Thank you jare. 
This Moneria disease is a very cunning ailment. It cannot be diagnosed by any doctor no matter his/her credentials and it defies any cure. However, depending on its level of affliction in someone’s life, it can quickly run its course.
In my experience anyway, most times, it is in the old and weak that you find Moneria symptoms near inexistent; in those kinds of people it has probably ran it course. 
Moneria disease can kill but it does that in a clever way too. It does not have the power to snuff out life, but it can cause the afflicted to willingly press a self-destruct button. It is a very unique disease I tell you.
You see my friend, Moneria disease is why you go to school and it is why you pursue with alacrity that high paying job. Although I earlier stated that it is a disease that afflicts every human, some people are more readily predisposed to its influences than some. They are the kind genetically wired to suffer more from this disease and this is just why some people suffer more from it. It is ironical but we live for it, it lives in us. Did I mention that Moneria is very powerful? It can cause quarrel between father and mother, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, Pastor and church members, between friends, between siblings, colleagues… in fact, the list is endless.

Wait oh, if by now, you still don’t understand what Moneria disease is, then your case is probably worse than mine. Moneria disease has finished you. I will help you don’t worry. As long as you are in need of money for whatever reasons you conjured up, you are suffering from Moneria disease abeg. 


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